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I created this pages just for Chris and his feminist girl-joke-making friends!
- Top 10 Things Men Know About Women
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- Q: Why do men whistle when they're
sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
- Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A:
Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"
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Men Are Like...
Men
are like.....Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.
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Men
are like.....Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
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Men
are like.....Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.
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Men
are like.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.
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Men
are like.....Parking spots.
The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.
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Men
are like.....Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
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Men
are like.....Lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
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Men
are like.....Bank accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
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Men
are like.....High heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
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Men
are like.....Curling irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.
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Men
are like.....Mini skirts.
If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.
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Men
are like.....Bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are.
- Q: Why do men masturbate?
A: It's sex with someone they love.
- Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they wouldn't
hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
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Q: How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
A: Nobody
knows, it hasn't happened yet.
Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
--Because they already have boyfriends.
What is gross stupidity?
--144 men in one room.
Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
What is the thinnest book in the world?
--What men know about women.
How do you save a man from drowning?
--You take your foot off his head.
Why is a woman different from a PC?
--A woman won't accept a 3 1/2-inch floppy.
THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN WOMEN AND MEN
Maturity-Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults.
Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving wedgies
after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.
Magazines-Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's magazines also
feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy
and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Most naked men
elicit laughter from women.
Groceries-A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys
these things.
A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer.
Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches a checkout counter, his cart
is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the ten items or
less lane.
Menopause-When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional,
psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual.
Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction -- he buys
aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.
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